Online Dating Personals: Safety Tips
While
the Internet provides millions of opportunities
for people to meet, you must remember to use common
sense. It's easy to get swept-up into a fantasy
world, but reality begs for us to use caution. Like
the offline world, the online world has its ups
and downs - good people and bad people. While the
majority of people can be trusted, we must all be
aware of the scammers, liars and the rare but present
predators. While there are risks, hiding from the
world is not the answer. There are many ways to
protect yourself and find someone online! Here are
several tips for you to remember.
Online Dating in General...
1.
Use caution when choosing a handle.
Select a handle that will attract the kind of person
you are interested in meeting. Using a handle that
has a sexual connotation will get noticed - not
always by the type of person you'd like to have
a relationship with, much less a conversation with.
A gender-neutral handle may also be a plus and help
fend off the jerks and creeps.
2. Never, ever give out
personal information.
This may be the most important thing for you to
remember. Your personal information includes your
real name, telephone number, personal email or home
address. If they want to send something to you through
the mail, get a post office box. They're not expensive!
No matter how nice the other person may seem, you
do not know them. While most people are decent,
you can never be absolutely sure. Don't risk having
this information fall into the wrong hands.
3.
On the telephone?
Activate
your caller ID blocking feature to keep your number
private.
Don't call collect! Your number will show up on
their phone bill.
If you want the other person to be able to contact
you, get a pager.
Use a payphone. It may be a hassle, but well worth
it!
4. Location is everything.
You haven't told the other person your name, phone
number or any other personal information. But, you've
told them all about living in Anytown, USA with
a population of only 1,102. Think someone who really
wanted to could find you? The answer is yes. Telling
someone that you live in a small town, even omitting
your actual address, is not the way to go. On the
other hand, saying you live in New York is probably
a pretty safe bet!
5. Get a current picture. Use a current picture.
This may not exactly be a safety issue - but more
of an honesty issue. Be honest and post a current
photo even if you've gained a few pounds! If the
other person's picture seems to be outdated, and
they refuse to update it, you must put them in the
"dishonest" pile. Even if you do not have
a scanner, there's a variety of cheap and easy ways
to get a photo scanned. There's no reason for someone
to lie, unless they're hiding something. Don't put
up with their dishonesty.
Communication
and Red Flags...
1.
Get the details.
Feel free to scrutinize the emails and chat sessions
you have with another person. If they seem too good
to be true, they probably are. If they're vague
about their life, try to non-intrusively get some
details. Red flags are people who are vague, talk
in circles, or answer questions with questions.
Be very cautious with these types of people. They
may be playing hard to get, or they may not be on
the level.
2. Are they hiding something?
If the other person can only meet and chat with
you in the middle of the night, they may have a
secret. If you call them and they talk in a hushed
voice or "have to go" all of a sudden,
they may not be as single as they claim. If you
call at a non-designated time and they get angry,
feel free to assume that they're hiding something
from you. Red flags are anyone who uses fancy footwork,
excuses, or evasive maneuvers when asked straightforward
questions. If they cannot be honest with you from
the get-go, don't count on them to ever be forthright.
3. Instant love may not be what it seems.
While you may feel an instant connection or powerful
attraction to a person online, this does not qualify
as falling in love. It may however fall under puppy
love, infatuation, and even lust. But scammers and
con artists have used the "I'm in love with
you" angle offline for countless years. What's
stopping them from going online to make their next
score? Love takes time no matter what the fairy
tales imply. Red flags are people who, after minimal
online contact, express their undying love. Other
hints may be that shortly after talking about being
in love with you, they also mention how broke they
are, how they just got laid off from work, or how
their accountant took off with all their money.
While the other person may just be a lonely soul
who's truly attracted to you, you can never be sure.
Slow things down and don't let "love"
rob you blind.
4.
Get their background checked...
especially if you’re planning to take the
next step and meet the other person face to face.
By that point, you should know their name, so put
your mind at ease with a background check. You can
find several services online, many for a reasonable
price. Even if you don't notice any red flags or
get a gut instinct to back off, it’s a matter
of respecting yourself and your safety. Your only
red flag here will show up in black and white.
5.
Don't put off meeting in person.
While online relationships can be full of romance
and intrigue, your ultimate goal is to meet someone,
date them and possibly more. Why put it off? Why
invest in a relationship online if it's going nowhere
offline? Make sure the spark you get from your chat
sessions and email also exists in the "real
world". Red flags are anyone who puts it off
or avoids answering your questions about meeting.
And remember, if you do not have the money to invest
in a long distance relationship, don't start one.
Online dating requires that your brain and your
heart work together to make the best and safest
decisions for you.
Going
Offline for a Meeting...Safety First
1.
Once you've agreed to meet face to face,
don't ask the other person to pick you up. Get
yourself to and from the date, even if you have
to beg a ride off of a friend or take a taxi.
2. Before you go, make sure that several friends
and family members know where you're going,
who you're going with and when to expect you back.
Make sure everyone writes down the information
so that there are no misunderstandings.
3.
Always meet in a public place. A public
place does not mean a parking lot - they are not
monitored closely enough to be considered safe.
Make your first meeting a lunch or coffee date.
If the sparks don't fly, it's much easier to say
that you have a meeting or some other commitment
that requires you to end the date prematurely.
4. Stay in a public place. If they pressure
you to go elsewhere, say NO. If they pressure you,
they obviously don't care about your feelings -
don't spare their feelings. End the meeting and
leave. If they start to follow you to where you've
parked, stop and hail a cab. Come back later
for your car with a friend or family member.
5. If possible, bring a cellular phone. If
you need help or feel a little nervous, excuse yourself
to the bathroom and call for back up! Put together
an instant, "accidental" meeting with
a friend. They're also good for emergencies or in
case you think your online love is an offline stalker
who's following you home. Use the cellular phone
to call the police - just don't head back home.
Keep the person far from there. Drive to a police
station if you feel it's necessary.
6. Never leave your personal belongings
unattended. A purse or wallet contains
all of your personal information. In your jacket
pocket could be your keys. Just don't take the risk.
7. Do not leave your beverage unattended.
If you do, nonchalantly ask for another drink.
8. Stick with non-alcoholic drinks.
Being drunk is not a good way to be safe.
9. If all goes well, set-up another date
before the first one comes to an end. Use
your best judgment and gut instincts to determine
whether or not the other person is worthy of a second
date. Be sure that this second date (and any others
thereafter) incorporates all of these safety tips.
You're worth the effort! If the other person truly
cares about you, they'd expect nothing less.
A
Thousand Miles from Home...Extra Tips for Meeting
a Long Distance Interest. Be sure to use all of
the tips mentioned above, plus the following tips
if you plan to travel to meet your online interest:
1.
DO NOT plan to stay at the other person's home for
your visit. If you cannot afford a hotel,
do not go.
2.
If you've made hotel reservations, do not
tell the other person where you're staying. They
don't need to contact you there. You can contact
them.
3.
Let them meet you at the airport, but do
not get in a car with them. They can help you with
your baggage and help you hail a cab. Use cabs as
your mode of transportation throughout your trip.
4.
Be sure to keep in touch with friends and family.
Have a schedule in place as to when you should call.
And make sure they know where you're staying and
how to reach you. Again, this is a good time to
carry and use a cellular phone.
5. Just in case...keep your valuables
in an in-room safe or in with the front desk - they
often have safety deposit boxes available for free
or a minimal charge.
6. When you leave, just to be sure,
meet them at the airport to say goodbye.
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